She Knew
by TurquoisePhoenixesandHP
Summary: Sam knew. Deep down she had always known. She was the consolation prize, second best, the obstacle in the ultimate romance between Freddie Benson and Carly Shay. She just wished she had listened to those gut feelings sooner.


**AN:** _ **Jesus**_ **, when was it the last time that I wrote something? And who even** _ **reads**_ **iCarly fanfiction now? It's been 4 years. But here I am, and here you (possibly) are, as we approach the Game Shakers (who even** _ **watches**_ **that show) episode in which Dan/Nathan reveal that Freddie had always loved Carly and that Seddie was just an abusive mess. Proof will be posted at the end of the chapter. But yeah, had an idea in my head.**

 **So, no matter how much Dan/Nathan/Jennette/Creddie fans/general people who watched iCarly try to say that Sam has no feelings and just was a monster of a bully; yeah, I can't buy that. So, yeah. Here's a lot of depressing stuff that could have happened if people saw Sam as the great character she had the potential to be, but everyone just preferred the, "awkward nerdy guy pines for perfect girl; at the end of the series, perfect girl loves awkward nerdy guy."**

 **Don't own iCarly. If I did, a shit ton would have been done differently, but I think everyone can say that.**

"I'm coming home, Sam"

 _I'm coming home._

What even was home? Definitely not Seattle, and barely even Los Angeles.

"I wanted to stop in LA first to see you...but Spencer's already planning this huge thing. I know you're busy, but LA isn't too far, so…"

What could Sam say? No, I don't want to come back to shitsvile, thanks _(no, I don't want to see everyone who fucked me over)_? No, she could never say no to Carly; _no one_ could ever say no to Carly,

"It's not a problem, Carls," Sam replied, barely tolerating through the uncomfortable feeling of nerves rumbling, "I wouldn't miss seeing you for anything. Even an international bacon festival."

Carly's lips stretched into a wide smile,

"I can't wait to see you. Like, in person! You're going to get the biggest hug ever!"

Sam laughed, attempting yet failing to ease the sickness in her stomach,

"I can't wait to be tackled by those bony arms of yours"

Carly's smile turned into a playful pout, crossing her arms across her chest,

"My arms aren't that bony! I'll prove it to you in three days' missy!" Carly retorted, puppy dog eyes and all.

"Alright, Carls. I'll see you and your 'arms of steel' soon."

Carly waved at the web camera as the screen went black. Sam stared at the black video chat box on the computer screen, numb. _Well shit, I thought this was all over months ago?_

Carly was coming back to Seattle, and Sam knew, _fucking_ knew what was going to follow _(because in reality, she always knew)._

She was going to have to sit there as Carly discovered her "true love" for the awkward, nerdy boy across the hall _(because all princess' needed to kiss a number of frogs before finding their prince, right?)_. Carly, in her dwindling contact with Sam throughout her past 2 years in Italy, made it abundantly clear of all her failed flings and relationships, and her desire to find, "the one." And Sam's seen this story before _(she saw it from the beginning)._

Sam Puckett didn't get the guy. She was the consolation prize, second best, the ugly step-sister that lead to the beautiful princess. And no matter how many times she would ask herself, "Why would you even love a guy like Freddie Benson?" _(deep down, she knew why)._

"Sam! Do you know where my purple binder is?! The one with the sparkly pink music notes on it?!" a high pitched voice called from the hallway. Sam barely even noticed as footsteps approached the living room, and the couch sank with the weight of another person,

"Sam?" the voice's tone was slightly lower, "What's wrong? Did they close down Adam's Ribs? I know how much you loved that place."

Without looking at the speaker, Sam could only reply,

"Carly's coming back. I have to go to Seattle for a couple of days to see her."

Cat sucked in a breath, and grabbed Sam's hand,

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Maybe it was guilt driving Cat's question _(she was the one who brought Freddie Benson back into her life)_. But Sam knew, knowing Cat, that it was genuine concern of how much Sam could take _(as she learned when Sam broke down every brick of her imaginary walls after making sure Freddie Benson would be out of her life for good)._ Finally turning to face concerned brown eyes, Sam replied,

"Nah, kid. You've got your audition next week. I know how much you've been slaving away for it."

Cat twirled a dark brown curl, the vibrant red gone after a major identity crisis that lead to her belief "grow up and get with the real world" _(but the remaining love for bright pink and unicorns seemed to help avoid the bitterness and cruelty of the world, mainly people)_.

"It's next week, I can come with you for the first day- "

"If I bring someone, it's going to look like I need moral support. And if it seems like I need moral support, then nothing will go the way it is supposed to and I'll be left feeling like the biggest bitch on Earth."

Cat's nose crinkled in confusion and determination; making it clear she wasn't going to give up _(it was nice for someone to care so much for Sam for once)._

"It doesn't have to be moral support. I'm your friend who runs the best babysitting service- "

"Cat, you want to come with me because you want to support me right?" Sam asked,

"Of course!" Cat instantly replied, following instantly with a small frown, "Okay, okay, I get it."

"Besides," Sam continued, "Things could get even more awkward and worse then they're going to be."

The last time she and Cat saw Freddie Benson was in a hospital room where multiple injuries from Kansas Razorback Tuna were being treated. An instant call to Marissa Benson about Freddie's condition had him being taken right back to Seattle before she would even try to see him again. Changing her phone number and creating new and private social media accounts disconnected him for good _(or so she hoped)._

"Sam," Cat started softly, "Do you really think things will be that bad? How do you know what's _supposed_ to happen?" Even with her "growing up", Cat was still ever the optimist _(being able to get back with your "true love" after a major break-up does that to some)_. Sam knew that she doesn't get that, that she'll never get that. Because she's not the type of girl who deserves that, according to the universe.

"Because I always knew. That's just life, right?"

Cat was silent for a moment, probably trying to come up with a way to reassure and encourage Sam _(but nothing could change destiny, right?)._ Cat slowly squeezed Sam's hand, looking her right in the eyes,

"If you need me, call, kay?"

"I'll probably text, but yeah, kid. Thanks."

* * *

The hallway looked exactly the same since she last saw it. But, she wasn't expecting anything to change in two years, since nothing needed to be changed _(things always remained the same, didn't they?)._ Years ago, Sam would barge into apartment 8-C knowing it would be unlocked, heading directly for the fridge _(her mother didn't want her gambling money to be spent on unimportant things)._ But there wasn't the same feeling of welcome as there had been. Knocking on the door twice, she stood, biting her lip, clenching her hands together, and keeping her eyes locked on the ground _(she really didn't want to see any of them)._ The door opened and Sam's head shot up to look at Carly Shay for the first time in person in 2 years. Carly let out an excited cry as she launched herself at Sam's still form,

"You're here! Oh my god, I'm here! We're here together!" Sam slowly wrapped her arms around Carly as tight as she could, hoping to let out some of pain taking over,

"You're just as bony as you were before, Carls. No swimming in the Black Ocean changed anything." Carly pulled back with a watery, yet overjoyed smile, and slapped Sam's arm lightly,

"It's the Mediterranean Sea, Sam. Now get your butt in here! Spencer's already making the spaghetti tacos." Of course, let's bring back nostalgia that wasn't wanted. Sam entered the Shay apartment, and, just as the hallway, nothing had changed. As if Carly didn't leave to live half way across the world for 2 years.

"Kiddo!" the easily recognizable, excitable call of Spencer exclaimed, following a clash that rang through the apartment,

"Spencer!" Carly cried, as Sam noticed the meat sauce spilled across the kitchen floor, a ladle at the center of the mess,

"I'm sorry!" Spencer called, walking towards the girls with his hands up in defense, "I just got excited to see my number three girl!" Spencer's long arms wrapped her in a hug, lifting her off her feet _(first number two, now number three. I wonder what it's like to be number one)._ After placing her on the ground, Spencer dragged Sam to a red-headed woman who was cleaning up the sauce with an exasperated look on her face,

"Audrey!" Spencer cried happily to the woman on the floor. The woman, Audrey _(everyone ends up with their first love, don't they)_ looked up with eyebrows raised and dark blue eyes filled with annoyance,

"You couldn't clean up first?" she dryly replied, although the warmth in her tone revealed her true feelings,

"I'm sorry, babe! I want you to meet Sam, my sister's best friend! Sam, this is Audrey, the love of my life." Audrey rolled her eyes at Spencer's term of endearment, but smiled warmly at Sam,

"Nice to meet you Sam, I've heard so much about you. I'd shake your hand and all, but I don't think you want to be covered in sauce."

"Nah, I'd rather eat it from a giant spoon than from your hand, so." Audrey and Spencer laughed, as Spencer kneeled down to help Audrey wipe the spilled sauce.

"Hey! It smells great in here!"

 _Fuck._ Well, she knew it was coming, but she had hoped to have more time to prepare. Like to prepare her great escape by jumping out a window and on to her motorcycle, disappearing into the sunset forever _(she tried that once and her demons still followed her)._

"Freddie!" Sam heard Carly squeal. She could turn around; she'd have to turn around. But she knew what she was going to see. Spinning quickly towards the front door, Sam internally prepared herself for what would greet her.

 _And there it fucking was._

The short, yet lithe form of Freddie Benson walked into the room. Hair longer than the last time she saw him _(when she saved his life and all),_ chocolate eyes crinkling as he caught Carly in his arms. Sam turned away before he noticed her, not wanting to witness yet what she was going to suffer through these next couple of days. Well, she'd have to get used to it, wouldn't she _(unless she tries to imagine Freddie holding her like that)_? Slowly turning to face them once again, Sam could only stay frozen as she watched them. Although they had pulled away from each other, Carly still had her hands on Freddie's shoulder while he had kept them tightly on her hips _(once upon a time he used to do the same to her)._ But the look they gave each other, especially Freddie, she knew. The sparkle in his eyes, the wide, loving, almost loopy smile he was giving her. But again, that's why she was here, right? To give her blessing?

Freddie and Carly slowly let go of each other, as if they were savoring their touch _(I used to think he felt that way about me, guess not)._ Freddie's eyes scanned the room until landing on her, eyes widening almost comically. Sam instantly loosened her stance _(as if he would care about what was really going through her head)._ He stood frozen for a second, before eventually relaxing and lifting his hand in a half-wave with a half-smile to match,

"Hey Sam."

 _Hey Sam._ Well, if Carly and Freddie's goo-goo eyes weren't proof enough of his indifference _(or dislike)_ of her, well, there was this. Sam gave Freddie a flat look, making him slightly squirm,

"Fredward." Carly's eyes darted back and forth between Sam and Freddie before announcing,

"Sam and I are gonna have some girl catching up to do! Call us when dinner's ready!" at lighting speed, Carly grabbed Sam's hand and dragged her up the wooden staircase.

"Alright, have fun kiddos!" Spencer called as they made their way to Carly's still-magnificent room.

Well. It's officially here. Cat may have believed in having hope, but Sam knew. Deep down, she had always known. Hope was for suckers, after all.

Carly opened the door and pulled Sam on the bed, plopping right next to her. Sam watched as Carly eyed the door, wringing her hands,

"Sam, I've got to tell you something. I-"

"It's totally cool, Carls." There. It was out. Before she could even finish what Sam already knew she was going to say. Carly's eyes widened _(not furrow in confusion, she knew exactly what Sam meant)._

"You know?" Carly asked, looking dumbstruck at Sam's response. Sam wondered if Carly really didn't realize she was in right view of her and Freddie's behavior when he walked in the door moments ago _(and also their kiss before Carly left for hot Italian boys, but, she didn't know that)._ Sam forced a smile as she braced herself for what she knew she was going to do,

"You and Frewardino weren't that subtle when you were making those gross faces at each other 2 minutes ago." Then again, Freddie Benson was never subtle for his undying love for Carly Shay. Not even when he was dating Sam _(maybe he pretended Sam was Carly as he told her "I love you" before their break-up)._ Carly's cheeks took on a light pink blush that clashed with her pale skin. She looked up hopefully at Sam,

"You don't mind?" she asked, slightly unsure, yet filled with hope _(because Carly knew from the beginning that Sam and Freddie were never meant to be)._ Sam forced out a scoff,

"C'mon Carls, that was like for 2 weeks! It was just some crazy fling where I was suffering through insanity! Remember, the mental hospital?" It was actually over a month, and Carly was the one who tried to set them up in the first place _(but Carly didn't see that the awkward nerdy boy who was pining for her was her prince yet)._ Carly instantly broke into a relieved smile,

"Besides," Sam continued, "Freddork has been in love with you since forever. I'm sure he's been dreaming of the day you would come back and give him, 'Carly love' ever since you left." Because Sam needed to remind herself. Freddie never loved her. She was the consolation prize into waiting for Carly to wake up and realize her love for him. She was a convenience to see if Carly would get jealous _(and she very well did)._

Carly's smile grew brighter as she giggled, getting a faraway look in her eyes,

"It just took me some time to realize that Freddie was the perfect guy for me" _(from making out with a bunch of guys in Italy, or him saving her life, or one of her dates going horribly wrong)._

"Freddie's always been there for me," Carly continued, getting a glazed look in her eye, "He stuck with me no matter what" _(like stalking you, declaring he would marry you every day and kill anyone who stands in the way, like putting you on a pedestal and keeping you there)._

"Yep, his stalkerish ways have been there since he first laid eyes on you" Sam joked _(not really)._ Carly laughed, hitting her arm lightly,

"Sam!" Her laughter died down, as she looked Sam in the eyes,

"But, you're okay with us dating, right?" And there it was. That word. Dating. Exactly what she knew was coming. Sam took Carly's hand and squeezed it gently,

"If I don't see any make-out sessions, we're good" _(really)._ Carly's bright grin showed her appreciation _(Sam would smile too, if her throat didn't feel so closed up and the stinging in her eyes wasn't so strong)._

"Yay! Now, off to spaghetti tacos!" Once again grabbing Sam's hand, Carly lead her down to the muffled voices.

Well, it was just as bad as she thought it would be.

But Sam knew it was going to get worse.

* * *

Spencer, Audrey, Carly, and Freddie sat around her, the couples next to each other as she sat at the head of the table, not taking her eyes off her food.

"I love this," Spencer started, smiling widely at everyone, "It feels like the old days"

"You know, I would have hoped you'd gotten friends your own age by now, with a normal girlfriend and all" Carly cheekily replied, gaining laughs from Audrey and Freddie as Spencer pouted playfully. Sam, kept her attention to the 4 spaghetti tacos in front of her. The Sam who only cared about food was what those at the table knew _(because Sam didn't have the capabilities of caring about other things, right?),_

"Well, can I just say, you guys are the cutest couple" Audrey gushed at the 2 brunettes across the table, who blushed and grinned at her praise.

And here we go. It was time for things to get worse _(Sam didn't deserve someone like everyone else did. Especially not Freddie Benson)._

"I can say I knew it from the beginning" said Spencer smugly, smirking at the couple. Carly and Freddie grinned, clasping each other's hands together _(the perfect couple, just as everyone predicted),_

"From the very first time I saw this fine young gentleman ask my baby sister to be her girlfriend, I knew they were going to be endgame," Spencer continued, "No matter how many times she turned him down, he never gave up!" Freddie flushed in embarrassment, casting his eyes down to the floor _(as he should)_ as Carly glared at her brother from across the table,

"Spencer!"

"What?! It showed that no matter what, true love prevailed! You guys were meant to be; no matter what obstacles came your way! It's the romance of a century!"

Obstacles like Sam Puckett. Because that's what Sam was, and she always knew. She was an obstacle in the course of Carly Shay and Freddie Benson's happily ever after. As she looked down at the still 4 tacos left on her plate, she felt a pair of eyes watching her. Sam knew that if she looked up, she would be met with chocolate brown eyes saying, "You were just an obstacle in the way. I never loved you, it was always Carly."

 _Carly Carly Carly_. The deep part of Sam's heart hoped to think that maybe it was guilt, that he remembered how he hurt her and was sorry for the pain he caused _(but Freddie had no idea of anything but his love for Carly Shay)._

"Oh, Spencer" she heard Carly reply fondly.

No matter how much she could eat, Sam's twisting stomach refused to accept anything else. But she had to put on a show. Because questions would start to be asked, and she had to do what she had to do,

"Are the tacos alright, kiddo? You still have 4 on your plate!" Sam finally raised her head to four pairs of eyes staring at her. She tried to keep her line of vision in Spencer's direction, but, whether it be real or just the trick of her imagination _(her imagination always ran wild),_ the eyes she wanted to see _(do you care? Did you ever care?)_ seemed to be filled with sheer concern and guilt. But Sam knew better _(a trick of her imagination),_

"The tacos are great, Spencer. Just all the romance shit is making me gag. So will you guys do me a favor and wait until I'm in a deep coma of sleep?" Everyone around the table laughed _(except for Freddie; her imagination, or heart, was still trying to project concern from him),_

"Alright Sam, I promise!" Carly giggled, as Spencer started to discuss his next trip with Socko to find the beavecoon, much to the annoyance of his girlfriend and sister _(as Freddie kept silent. Guilty and concerned? I don't think so)._

Sam focused once again on finishing her tacos.

She knew that this would happen _(and yet it hurt more than Sam could have ever predicted)._

* * *

Sam was finally leaving. She had spent two days in her personal hell, but was finally able to escape by telling Carly of her promise to help Cat with her college auditions _(Cat wanted to be supportive, right?)_

"You have to leave now?! You just got here! I've been two years without you-"

"You'll be fine Carls, you lasted two years without me by your side, right? Plus, we don't have to worry about the time zones with you waking me up at God knows when."

Carly's face turned into a disappointed frown, puppy dog eyes hoping to make Sam change her mind _(not a chance in hell),_

"Besides, you have your nerd-candy to tend to your every need." Would it get easier to think that basically everyone she put hope in let her down in the end _(she was used to it, her parents and sister let her down way before Shay's or Bensons' entered the picture_ )?

Carly smiled and rolled her eyes. She then reached out, grabbing Sam in a bear hug,

"Text me as soon as you get back! And let me know as soon as you can video chat!" Would Carly try to keep up her conversations with Sam, now that she was back in her hometown _(probably not, she has a perfect life to live and all)._

"I'll text you at the first pit stop, kid. Promise." Carly gave her watery smile as she grabbed Sam's arms,

"Stay blonde."

Sam's eyes widened at the old good-bye. She gave Carly a small, yet heartfelt smile, and replied,

"Stay brune."

* * *

With her backpack slung around her shoulder, Sam took one last look at Seattle _(this time, her last. She'd make sure of it)._ As she attempted to start her motorcycle, she heard a voice call her name,

"Sam! Wait!" He wanted to ask questions. Questions she wasn't going to give the answers to _(did he even deserve answers?)._ She could drive away, leave him in the dust _(like he did her)_ but that stupid fucking heart of hers forced her to stay. Freddie ran over to her motorcycle, eyes wide and confused,

"Fredwiener, I really don't have time for whatever stupid- "

"Why, Sam?"

Sam knew he could mean a number of things. Why was she leaving Seattle so early? Why didn't she say goodbye? Why did she sever all contact with him after he came to LA? Why did she never tell him she was leaving Seattle in the first place after Carly left for Italy? Why were things so fucked up between them?

Sam took the risk at looking at Freddie's concerned, yet hurt, brown eyes. A rage was burning in her, that she kept in lock and key. She had a number of her own questions she wanted to ask. Why did he date her if she was just second best to Carly? Why did he ask her to get back together again and then kiss Carly with no problem? Why did he insult her and brag about his love for Carly in front of her weeks after they broke up? Why did he ever say he loved her when the only girl he could ever love was and always will be Carly Shay?

"Why a lot of things Fredward." Sam replied slowly, itching to take off and leave her monsters behind her _(they would always follow, no matter what)._

"Why didn't you say goodbye? Why haven't I heard from you since I was in LA? Why did you leave- "

"I've got a ton of answers for you, but I don't think you want to hear them and I don't really want to say them to your face." Sam sat on her bike, turning on the ignition,

"You're just going to leave?!" Freddie cried, the anger blending in with the hurt still plastered across his face.

"Yep. I mean, it's something I'm pretty used to, whether someone leaves to go to another country or leaves because I'm not good enough." Freddie's eyes widened, pity and concern replacing the anger,

"Sam, of course-"

"Nope. I'm not. And I'm starting to learn to live with that, but I can't do it here. Never could." With that, Sam kicked the stand up, and turned to look at Freddie's face one last time,

"Have a good life Freddie."

She could hear Freddie try to call her back, but the roar of the engines of her motorcycle took over, blocking his frantic and hurt cries of her name.

Sam always knew she was never good enough. At least, not for Seattle, or for Freddie Benson. She tried to believe she was, but deep down, she always knew.

Carly Shay and Freddie Benson were meant to be together _(the princess and the prince)._ And Sam knew, that to find her happiness, she needed to stand on her own.

As she always did.

 **AN: So, yeah. Of course, in the Game Shakers episode, Nathan will talk about how Sam is an abusive monster to Carly and Freddie's happily ever after. But for those who care about characters and their development, here we are.**

 **As for the proof? If you haven't seen Nathan's article, here's the link:** **news/2682558/nathan-kress-icarly-marriage-interview/** **(copy &paste)**

 **And another, Dan's Valentine's article, where he says that "Carly and Freddie looked to be getting back together" but "Seddie fans are still shipping":** **/4-swoon-worthy-romances-from-classic-dan-schneider-shows/** **(copy &paste)Which I took as, "Carly and Freddie were meant to be but Seddie fans just keep on pushing cause they're crazy."**

 **So yeah. If you're hoping for Seddie to be the ultimate winner, you'll be super disappointed (and angry). This was made to make Sam human (not like how the writers and cast see her).**

 **So, again. So yeah.**


End file.
